Personal reflections, impressions, and observations on the real and the imaginary that make up my world of perception.



Monday, September 17, 2012

A World Unknown


Across these lush green fields of my youth,
under cloud-dappled blue skies of my imagination,
beyond a distant golden horizon of my dreams,


in a land unseen by man, a world unknown to all,
in a timeless realm with no beginning and no end,
in a wondrous life that knows no death,

beyond these fields, under another sky,
further than the horizon, much further,

in another land, world, realm, life,
far from hate and spite and human strife,

where peace and calm and harmony reign,
how could man be a part of this and still be man?

Saturday, August 25, 2012

A Moment in Time


The sun was coming up and a new day was dawning. Soon it would be time to make a move. The time for thinking was over, the time for acting was now. I had come for just this moment and I knew this was the place where it was to happen. The leafless tree silhouetted against the lightening sky marked the spot and the rising sun marked the time. I knew it was now or never, there would never be another chance. I had to move forward and I had to start the process.

I was frozen to the spot

I gathered my thoughts and reviewed the series of steps that would open the door to a new beginning for me. As the sun's light and intensity grew with the advancing dawn I felt its energy and power and knew this was the moment to make my move. If I failed to opt for renewal I would fall back into darkness and despair and it would all come to an end for me. If I failed to go forward into renewal, I would not be able to go back into the shadows of the half-life that had been mine till now. The failure would destroy me and I would be left with nothing, I would become nothing.

I stood there, and looked around me, surveying what I was leaving behind, which gave me even greater resolve to push ahead. I turned back to what lay before me and seemed to beckon me. I was sure that the place was pinpointed by the hibernating tree, that the time was marked by the sun's position on the horizon, and I felt a restless energy coursing through my body. This was it. There was no time to lose, the moment had come, the window of opportunity was a very narrow one and delay would be fatal. I took a deep breath, stiffened myself for what was to come, focused on the tree in the near distance, and stepped forward... and that’s when it all started to happen for me.

That was a long time ago now, and now as you read this, I may already be beyond this world.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The End of Shane the Shit


Feeling like shit, Shane crumpled onto the damp park bench and wondered what he was going to do with his shit-life now.


He’d been sacked from his shit-job as public lavatory attendant because he didn’t give a shit for the work, consistently failing to clean around the top inside of the toilet bowl where all sorts of shit had a way of building up; he’d been physically thrown out of his shitty bedsit by his Kurdish shit of a landlord for falling behind with the rent; his ugly little shit of a North  Korean girlfriend had unceremoniously dumped him after a couple of months for being a useless piece of shite; he had no family to speak of as he'd never managed to stay in a relationship for long enough to sire one because somehow he just couldn't get his shit together; he was now past fifty and balding and looked as appealing as a desiccated shit-turd; and he had lost all the shitty friends he ever had because everyone found him tedious and boring and not worth a shit!



The only way out of all this shit-mess was to lie down and die right there and then on that cold dank park bench with a pile of newly-deposited dog-shite a few feet away. What stopped him from doing this so far was the idea that it would probably be a long and painful shit of a process and, in any case, some cop would most likely move him on or slap him with a shit of a fine for vagrancy! And that was the last piece of shit he needed before bowing out of this shitty life. 


But the reality was that he couldn’t afford shit like lethal drugs, didn’t have a shitty gun, couldn't stomach the idea of stabbing himself and bleeding to death or dangling from a rope round his neck, his feet thrashing around, gradually having the shit-life squeezed out of him (while he shitted himself from loss of control of his bowels), and he had a paranoid shit of a fear of heights, so throwing himself off a cliff or some shit like that was too shit-scary to even think about, as he knew the descent itself might knock the shit out of him before he dropped like shit onto the ground and he would die several times over like the useless piece of shite he was!

Hungry and undecided, he hauled himself up from the bench and headed for the nearest McDonald’s restaurant to eat some shit and think more clearly on a full stomach, but as he started to cross the busy main road, dodging the traffic, some shit bastard of a driver mustn't have seen him and literally tore straight into Shane the Shit, knocking the shit out of him for good! Shane lay there unmoving, killed on the spot and as dead as shit, and for all anyone cared he might as well have been another oversized piece of freshly laid dog-shite. But at least Shane had had a result, be it more by accident than design, and was now done with his mega-shit of a life and on his way to Shit-Heaven.!

Amen to that…

Monday, July 2, 2012

As I walked out one morning...


Tomorrow I would be setting out on an incredible journey, a journey to see the world, and I would be going alone. I would leave behind everyone and everything and would strike out for the unknown.

I knew very little of the outside world, but I was young, strong, keen, full of energy, naïve and ready to risk all to satisfy my curiosity, my thirst for knowledge, That was more than enough for me.

As I stood out in the open among the shadows of the evening, a cool gentle breeze caressing my face and with the glorious sight of the setting sun slowly going down over the horizon, I tried to imagine what my leaving would be like and whether I would falter at the last moment and turn back, overwhelmed by a sudden rush of misgivings.


I saw myself striding out confidently and walking into the distance, glancing back now and again to wave goodbye to my devoted mother and then eventually disappearing from view, leaving behind the certainties of an existence I knew for the uncertainties of a future unknown but always beckoning. Where I had come from would recede from sight and where I was going to would rise before me, beckoning. A door to my past would close fast as a door to the future opened, inviting me to pass through.


I was nervous and a little afraid but I was bold and I felt ready. And most important of all, I was determined. It was now or never. Now that I had my youth and my health, now that I could start afresh, again and again, if need be.

I looked up a the darkening sky, ahead at the disappearing sun, down at the growing shadows and I felt a certain frisson run down my spine. The world was out there waiting for me and this was one appointment with destiny that I would not miss.

But all that was for tomorrow. This was tonight and I needed to get a good night’s sleep, as I would be striking out early in the morning with the first light of day. I had to be clear-minded and strong.

I turned around and made my way back inside, ascended the stairs to my bedroom, as my mother and my little brother slept, and lay on my bed in the dark without bothering to change. I cleared my mind of everything and I was soon somewhere far away; tonight I slept, but tomorrow I would be setting out on a journey of a lifetime.


********************

That was many years ago, and I do not regret it. I had the naivety and the rashness of youth at the time. And today I’m here to tell the tale. Now my ambitions are not so grand. Now surviving from one day to the next exercises me enough. I had my time and I lived it. Soon it will be time to know another world… I am already tiring of this one….

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Below this heaven...



Below this heaven, under this field,
lie the bones of the victims of war,
the fallen whose days were cut short,
whose future was the present and
whose present was without a future.


Below this darkening cloud-flecked sky,
under these red poppies newly sprung,
repose the remains of the hapless youths
who never had the chance to blossom
nor to grow old, for they never grew up

Under these poppies, within this rich soil,
far from the light of the now setting sun,
are all that is left of thousands of souls
propelled into of a war begun by others
and whose end they were never to see.

Below this same sky…
in these same fields…
men fought…
and men died…
and now here they lie.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Tree of the Heavenly Way



When the time comes, when you hear the voice in your head,
when the light grows ever dim and the dark is at its darkest yet,
when the signs are there, the way will be lit, the path before you,  

Follow the furrow through the meadow, follow it to the very end,
till you come to the place where stands the tree of the celestial light.
Clasp its gnarled trunk and feel the communion of Earth with Heaven.
Let it lift you gently, let it raise you towards the light from above,
do not fear, do not fret, trust in its wondrous power of release.


It will bear you aloft, comfort and cradle you, lighten your soul,
embrace you in its mighty arms, caress you in its golden mane.
Up and up it will carry you, skyward towards the heavenly light,
you will be as the lightest of feathers, weightless and floating free.

Up and up, ever higher, till there's naught between you and the sky,
till the Heaven-sent spirit descends, flowing over you, body and soul
and wrests you from the gentle grasp of the tree of the celestial light,
to bear you still higher and higher, drawing you up to the firmament.

There you will pause, caught twixt Heaven and Earth, life and death
where the divine soul breaks free of its mortal prison and flutters
gliding through the invisible ether, on its last journey to the Eternal.

When the time comes, follow the furrow through the meadow,
until you come to the great golden tree of the heavenly way,
and there you will find the peace and the calm of abiding Grace
where Light banishes Darkness and where Heaven meets Earth. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Beacons of fire, beacons of hope...


The colours flapped in the fresh breeze, the beacon-fire threw tongues of flame skyward, and the sea beyond whispered to us like a fretful mother. We prepared to bed down for the night, and to keep a vigil over the commemorative fire. Tomorrow would be a new day, a new dawn, a new beginning, with fresh hopes and aspirations, the spiritual door to the rest of our lives and the birth of a new era.

The beacon of fire could be seen for miles around

We slept in turns and somewhat fitfully, our sleep accompanied by the crackle of the nearby raging beacon-fire, one of thousands lit throughout the land to mark our Queen's long and glorious reign, to celebrate her stalwart occupancy of the throne of this hard-bitten northern land whose proud people had faced countless trials over the centuries and come through every ordeal made stronger and more resolute.


This beacon and thousands of others lit on this chill-laden night, the most primitive and most ancient symbol of life, renewal and raw energy, proudly announced the rebirth of this scarred land and a belief in a strong and dynamic future. It would burn throughout the night and into the morrow before it gave up its last gasps.


I half-closed my eyes and half-looked towards the leaping fire ahead and the darkening sky above and I was not afraid anymore... it would be alright, there was hope and there would be a tomorrow springing phoenix-like from the flames of the present....

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Alive among the Dead


As I was making my way out of the cemetery, after visiting the grave of a loved one, I came to a sort of shaded glade whose shadows were suddenly broken by the glorious light of the sun which emerged from behind the clouds at that moment. This sudden bathing of the area by the brilliant rays of the afternoon sun stopped me in my tracks and I stood there taking in the strange scene around me in this place of the Dead.

For a moment the shadowy scene was bathed in light
Old graves that lay sealed for many decades now were bathed in an eerie light whose energy contrasted poignantly with the cold dark earth that was the last resting place of souls that had once walked upon it. Sunlight and shade now formed contrasting bands across the ground and a small voice inside me seemed to whisper: “As you are now, they once were, and you too will one day be. They were not spared, neither will you.” And then an unbroken hush ensued that was like the momentary holding of one’s breath or the tremulous instant between life and death. And I could not move.

I must have stood there frozen to the spot for no more than two to three minutes and yet when I came out of my reverie it seemed I had been standing there in a dreamlike state for hours. I felt a shiver down my spine and, as the sun began to fade behind advancing clouds and its light diminished, my legs were in motion again. I quickened my pace, in a hurry to reach the exit which was already in sight but could not come fast enough.

As I emerged from the cemetery into the street, with the sun streaming full on again, I was glad to be back among the Living, though I well knew that one day I would pass through those gates in a very different state and that on that occasion I would not be passing through them ever again.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Son of Man, Son of God



And so that final gasp in dead of night
that brought the curtain down on hope;
that grinding fear of a cruel tomorrow
and the rising despair that death brings;
but this was no ordinary death of a man,
this was no passing of a common mortal;
though a man born of woman thou wast,
yet more than that wast thou, much more.


Thy time had been short and thy path
strewn with the sharp thorns cast
 by the cruel hands of cruel minds
impelled by even crueller hearts,
whose fear made sure thine end.




Thy life had been mapped since birth
and thy certain demise early foretold;
circumscribed by destiny's demands, 
by a heavenly mission forged for Earth,
by a purpose that marked out thy days,
by a Fate that held thee tight in her claw,
the march of days bore thee to thine end.


Son of God made God by the Father,
the Word made flesh by the Divine,
the instrument of Salvation and Rebirth
and the Grace of Redemption and Hope;
such a burden on such frail shoulders
and the Light of the World in one Man.


And so we mark thy coming and thy life
and the dark shadow of thy passing
and thy story is told and retold
stirring belief and stiffening faith
in the Son of Man, the Son of God!


Jesus was thy name, Christ thy title,
and the Messiah thy sacred calling.
Thou camest from God, wast born of woman
didst die and return to Heaven,
there to reign at God's side.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Beyond a bridge somewhere...



Beyond a bridge, that leads the way,
between tall and slender arching trees
that line a long and winding forest road,
there is a spot, they say, where light,
bursting thru with such force and focus,
with such palpable intensity and blaze,
has spawned effects defying nature's law,
reason, and the teachings of experience;


but more than this the rumours also speak
of a strange beam of wondrous flaming light
that, as though heaven-sent, swift descends
to wreak such magic on passing folk
who later speak of having felt a force,
of being swiftly borne aloft above the trees,
of looking down from high on all below,
held there as though by an unseen hand,
for a span of time as none are able to agree
until, as by some magic unknown to man,
they find themselves again on terra firma,
on the selfsame spot now dark in shade,
quite unable to make sense of that which
sense defies by any human measure known,
or any other means conceived to understand
the nature of the seemingly unnatural,
of a beam of blinding light that takes
and lifts and flings and holds quite still,
before it loosens, lets slide to freely flow
back to where moments before one stood
full bathed in the hush of a heavenly light.

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Return of Spring

Spring returns bright and fresh of face,
shedding light upon the waking earth,
inciting growth from dormant life,
pledging plenty after winter’s dearth.

Spring is here and nature’s stirring,
days are warmer, nights are milder;
timid shoots poke above the ground,
welcoming the beetle and the spider.


Skies are bluer, clouds are thinner,
the sun shines longer, ever brighter;  
there is a warm freshness in the air
that makes the human spirit lighter.

Daffodil and daisy, the crocus too,
decorate garden, field and every park,
and add welcome colour and beauty
to the song of the robin and the lark.

Spring is here and change is in the air,
with bud and blossom on bush and tree;
it’s time to mark the change of season,
to change our clothes and break out free!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Just Hanging Around



I’m just hanging around,
I’m at the end of my rope,
there’s nothing to live for,
I’ve run out of hope.

I’m just hanging around,
I’m at a loose end,
can’t hang on anymore,
I’m going round the bend.

Bye, cruel world!

I’m just hanging around,
but it won’t be too long
before I’m all done here
with this same old song.

I’m just hanging around,
it’s pathetic, I know,
but what else can I do,
it’s the end of the show.

I’m just hanging around,
but now I’m starting to choke,
so, look, before it’s too late,
a fond farewell to all you folk!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Before me the Word...

Open wide the Bible rests upon its perch,
its pages full of ancient tales and teachings,
its heavy legacy grown heavier with time,
its mass more ponderous with the dust of age.
Before me, the Word of God, set down by man,
beside it a burning candle to illumine the Word,
around me the dense darkness of the void.


The Word, the Flame, the Light of the World.

I can go into that Light, embrace that Word,
or I can turn away and melt back into the dark.
There is no easy way, no choice free of doubt;
either way the path is long and winding,
and fraught with trials and tribulations.

The darkness, the candle flame, the stillness,
and in their midst the Word writ upon the page.
And a soft sweet holy chant born in my mind,
gently welling within me, gentle but strong,
fills me as I stand in the darkness before the Word
that illumines the Light that illumines the Word
that feeds the soul with the breath of the Spirit…

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Waiting for Christmas...


Part of the Christmas magic


Christmas had come and been and gone, 

the candles had lived out their life and were no more,

the baubles were in a plastic bag and so was the tinsel,

all stored up in the hold-all loft to hibernate away,

keeping company with a thousand and one other things,

some there for a short while, others for rather longer,

all shrouded in unbroken darkness and silence.. for now,

until one fine day they might be sought out again, 


some to serve as they had done before, but some.. 


some to be cast out and to serve no more.

For the Christmas things their time would come again,

twelve months was not so long to wait, and then…

then they would shine again, then the party would begin again,

then they would glitter and glint again, bathed in fairy light

and in the special magic that was forever Christmas.