The End of Shane the Shit

Feeling like shit, Shane crumpled onto the damp park bench and wondered what he was going to do with his shit-life now.


He’d been sacked from his shit-job as public lavatory attendant because he didn’t give a shit for the work, consistently failing to clean around the top inside of the toilet bowl where all sorts of shit had a way of building up; he’d been physically thrown out of his shitty bedsit by his Kurdish shit of a landlord for falling behind with the rent; his ugly little shit of a North  Korean girlfriend had unceremoniously dumped him after a couple of months for being a useless piece of shite; he had no family to speak of as he'd never managed to stay in a relationship for long enough to sire one because somehow he just couldn't get his shit together; he was now past fifty and balding and looked as appealing as a desiccated shit-turd; and he had lost all the shitty friends he ever had because everyone found him tedious and boring and not worth a shit!

The only way out of all this shit-mess was to lie down and die right there and then on that cold dank park bench with a pile of newly-deposited dog-shite a few feet away. What stopped him from doing this so far was the idea that it would probably be a long and painful shit of a process and, in any case, some cop would most likely move him on or slap him with a shit of a fine for vagrancy! And that was the last piece of shit he needed before bowing out of this shitty life. 


But the reality was that he couldn’t afford shit like lethal drugs, didn’t have a shitty gun, couldn't stomach the idea of stabbing himself and bleeding to death or dangling from a rope round his neck, his feet thrashing around, gradually having the shit-life squeezed out of him (while he shitted himself from loss of control of his bowels), and he had a paranoid shit of a fear of heights, so throwing himself off a cliff or some shit like that was too shit-scary to even think about, as he knew the descent itself might knock the shit out of him before he dropped like shit onto the ground and he would die several times over like the useless piece of shite he was!

Hungry and undecided, he hauled himself up from the bench and headed for the nearest McDonald’s restaurant to eat some shit and think more clearly on a full stomach, but as he started to cross the busy main road, dodging the traffic, some shit bastard of a driver mustn't have seen him and literally tore straight into Shane the Shit, knocking the shit out of him for good! Shane lay there unmoving, killed on the spot and as dead as shit, and for all anyone cared he might as well have been another oversized piece of freshly laid dog-shite. But at least Shane had had a result, be it more by accident than design, and was now done with his mega-shit of a life and on his way to Shit-Heaven.!

Amen to that…

The Return of Spring

Spring returns bright and fresh of face,

shedding light upon the waking earth,

inciting growth from dormant life,

pledging plenty after winter’s dearth.

Spring is here and nature’s stirring,

days are warmer, nights are milder;

timid shoots poke above the ground,

welcoming the beetle and the spider.

Skies are bluer, clouds are thinner,

the sun shines longer, ever brighter;  

there is a warm freshness in the air

that makes the human spirit lighter.

Daffodil and daisy, the crocus too,

decorate garden, field and every park,

and add welcome colour and beauty

to the song of the robin and the lark.

Spring is here and change is in the air,

with bud and blossom on bush and tree;

it’s time to mark the change of season,

to change our clothes and break out free!

A Carpet of Gold

Isn't the above scene absolutely gorgeous? There's no mistaking the season. A golden carpet of fallen leaves proclaims that it is autumn and it is the dying manifestation of the final days of warm weather before the harsh winter begins to set in. Though the ground is strewn with withering leaves, the trees still have many to shed, but it will now be just days before they completely lose their autumnal coat of gold and stand bare in readiness for the cold winter winds and rains and, who knows, even snow.

I took this picture one late afternoon at the beginning of November. The weather was still pleasant though there was a slight chill in the air. The low rays of the sinking sun cast a magical spell on the park, bathing it in soft mellow tones of yellow and gold, highlighting the gold of the leaves even more. And, as one see, there was hardly a soul in sight, most people still at work or at home having their afternoon tea, or maybe not, but whatever the reason, it was quiet and soothing and lovely to see.

After taking these photos and a few others, I just stood still for a moment, bathed in the golden light of the sun, enjoying the vista around me, revelling in the silence, and breathing in the freshening air of the afternoon as it slowly turned into evening. This was the big city and yet in this quiet corner of Nature I could easily have been in the depths of the countryside were it not for the sight of the houses that lined the perimeter of this green space. Gradually, with the waning sun, the rich autumnal shades and colours began to merge into the darkening background, and it was time for me to leave. But I had captured the images I had come for (two of which are shown above).